9. Substitution

This method works for every urine test, every time, provided that some conditions are met. You simply give them someone else's clean urine. This works very well if you're not supervised. If you are going to be supervised, try to talk them out of it. Someone told me they were going to be monitored, and they said "I don't want you to fucking watch me piss!" So the supervisor waited outside, probably with his ear to the door to listen for opening containers. Members in active duty are often watched as the urine flows from source to destination, but substitution will even work on this test, as you will find out. Abbie Hoffman, author of "Stealing This Urine Test," suggested leaving a few drops of urine on the seat or on your shoe for as "an added measure of authenticity."

9.1 Substitution Methods

There are three methods, but two of them are painful, and you have to be determined to use them. The most common way to sneak in urine is in a concealed container.

9.1.1 Concealed Container

Simply conceal the urine. The first time you're alone with the container they give you, dump in your concealed urine. Be sure you can quietly open the container, the lab personnel may be just outside the door listening. You may be required to change into a gown. If so, a condom or douche bag holding the sample and taped around the thigh can be concealed under the gown. You can also run a plastic line from a flexible container and tape it to your urination equipment, and even piss under supervision. Females have been known to keep a condom with the urine sample in the vagina, and prick it with a sharp fingernail to piss under supervision. Be sure to keep the sample between 91 and 97 ° F.

9.1.2 Injection

There's a way to use substitution even when you're under the strictest supervision. Athletes trying to pass tests for anabolic steroids have been known to empty their bladders, and have the substituted urine injected directly into their bladders via needle. It was shown in a motion picture like "Wildcats" or something. While theoretically possible, it's painful and subject to infection. It would certainly be the most senseless way to get clean urine into the testees bladder. If this must be done, catheterization should be used.

9.1.3 Catheterization

First, void your bladder as you would with injection. Run a thin plastic tube to the bladder. Males must insert the tube into the opening of the penis, go through the urethra and into the bladder. Catheterization done on females is not as unpleasant as it is for males. Then inject the clean urine into the bladder via catheter. Catheterization is less painful, safer, and more effective. Infection is still possible.

9.2 Where To Get Clean Urine

9.2.1 Urine From A Donor

You can substitute someone else's urine. Ask your urine donor—hopefully a friend you can trust—what drugs they've taken in the last month. They may have taken a false positive, or a true positive for that matter. Before the test, the examiner will likely ask you to list everything you've taken. If the urine ages beyond 18 hours, deterioration becomes noticeable and the lab may suspect something. It has been reported that you can freeze urine for up to a year, but once it starts to smell rancid, you will know it has gone bad.

9.2.2 Concentrated Urine

If you don't trust your friend's sample, or don't have any clean friends, you can get concentrated synthetic urine. Produced in a laboratory and said to work perfectly. Concentrated synthetic urine can be prepared ahead of time or mixed with water at the test.

9.2.2.1 Making Your Own Powdered Urine

Urinate in a glass container. Let it evaporate. Then scrape the inside for the concentrate. Just mix it with water before the test, and the sample will have the correct specific gravity, pH, color, etc.

9.2.3 Dog Urine

I heard from Dr. Grow that dog urine, of all things, can be substituted, and will pass the test! However, I don't know how an age, gender, pH, or creatinine test would result. Someone was able to use dog urine for several months to pass the test. This subsection assumes you have a clean dog. I know my dog's urine wouldn't pass, he eats more weed than humans do. It would make more sense to use human urine, but dog urine provides a workable substitution in an emergency.