Substitution Tips, Tricks & Guidelines
Invest a few bucks in a digital thermometer made for humans. They are fast and accurate. I cannot over emphasize the importance of practice, practice, practice! If you use condoms, be sure you use non-lubricated condoms and rinse the condom to remove the powder from it. You can also use a well rinsed, 2-ounce travel size shampoo bottle.
Two pair of tighty-whities will hold your container in place better and adds extra insulation to maintain the temperature.
Now that you have your digital thermometer and container (either condoms or a shampoo bottle), start practicing by filling your chosen container with 105° F degree water. If using a condom, fold the loaded condom over the tip of the digital thermometer to take its temperature. If using a plastic bottle, place the tip of the thermometer directly into the water. Place the container near your groin area.
In my experience, I find the container crotched inside your briefs cools at a rate of about one (1) degree every 2-3 minutes until it stabilizes at about 94-98° F.
The age and gender of the person who's urine you are substituting does not matter. What matters is that they are drug free.
Do not plan on using toilet or bathroom water to cool it down. Most testing joints color their toilet water blue to foil using it, and if they hear you turn on the sink water or flush the toilet before you give them your sample, they may require you to give another sample or fail.
If your sample is to warm when you get it in the cup, simply swish it around in the cup while you blow on it. You can cool it at a rate of about 1° F every 30 seconds, but do not overdo it. Practice! You can't re-warm it at that point. In the reverse, I find I can warm a substitute urine product from my pocket temperature of 85-88 to 96-98° F in about 20 minutes with my body heat by crotching the container.
Make sure you get a digital thermometer that doesn't have sound, and if it does, make sure you can turn it off! That's the last thing you want going off while you're giving a sample.
The test cup temperature strip is attached to the cup just like they are stuck to the side of a fish aquarium. The temperature strip will read from 90-100° F (some non-DOT require 94-100° F) so you can see your urine temperature and cool it if necessary before you give it to the collector.
One more tip. If you are using a condom, do not tie the end of the condom. It is too risky to try to puncture it to get your urine out. I take the condom with my 2+ ounces of urine in it and give it a spin, like you would a bread bag. Then double it over itself and use a wire tie with the ends rolled over them selves so as not to puncture the condom. Then, twist it tight to close the condom. To empty your condom, simply untwist the wire tie and let the condom untwist. Then place the open end of the condom in the cup and empty it. Check the temperature on the side of the cup, and give it to the collector. Once again let me say practice! Practice carrying it in your crotch. Practice emptying it into the cup. Just practice.
Tips For Men
The best way to crotch and carry the container is to place it between your scrotum and anus. If you have any question as to where this spot is, stand up with your feet shoulder width apart. Reach down with your hand and cup your testicals. Note where your bird and ring fingers are touching. That is where you want to carry the bottle. It this position I find you can carry on about your activities normally while maintaining a 94-95° F sample temperature. To raise the sample temp to 97-98° F, simply sit down and cross you legs so that the container is enclosed between your thighs. In about 10-15 minutes, the sample will warm to body temp, or 97-98° F.
Tips For Women
You can, of course, carry a substitute sample the same as the men, but most females say that it is also easy to carry the bottle inside your vagina, where it will maintain a 98° F sample temperature, or you can use two 1-ounce bottles and place one under each breast, held in place with a well padded bra for added insulation in maintaining the temperature.
Some collection sites will refuse to accept a sample if it is not at least 60 ml, so top it off! Better a little extra than not enough. Please remember that these suggestions are just guidelines and may need to be slightly modified to suit your particular needs. The key to successfully substituting is to practice!
More Substitution Tips
Start with a clean donor, a friend, a spouse, one of your children, and even dogs have been documented to work using their urine. This is easier than you guys think.
Take the urine sample and freeze it in your freezer until use. The morning of the test, put the sample, still in its original container, into a cup of hot water, do not microwave. A coffee cup is a good choice, it will thaw slowly raise the temperature to near body temperature. Usually 92-98° F is sufficient, though some labs will let you slide at 90° F, and some don't even check, but most do.
You can put the urine in a condom, twist off, and place either under your testicles or in your vagina depending on gender. This will ensure it is warm enough. For pre-employment, you are not going to be observed 99% of the time, so you can do the voiding at your leisure once in the lab. If you want to get a temperature strip to test the urine for correct temp range, these can be obtained at most drugstores for a couple of dollars. A travel shampoo bottle is great to transport the urine while heating it up, and a condom works good to hold it because it is easy to mold into a certain shape to fit in certain areas. Do not tie off the condom! Double the condom over and then twist the condom off at the end. Also, make sure you wash the condoms off first to remove any contaminants and powder from the condom before using them.
Sure, you can purchase a urinator or a fancy rig off the internet, but since most people looking for employment are not that wealthy, it is easier and cheaper to use simple tools available at home. In addition, if you don't have any friends that are clean, you can buy synthetic urine from the internet. Just mix with hot water, and you are set!
See, it is easier than you think. Try a couple of dry runs at home to make sure you can keep the temperature in check before going to the real thing. The most common mistake, and really the only problem presented with substitution, is the fear of the temperature being too low. With practice, you can run off from the labs and smoke a phatty without having to worry about any calls meriting a positive test result. Try it once, and you will never go back to any other method again. You will find that substitution is a little nervous for some at first, but after the initial trial, people rave about its effectiveness, and you can put your name on the list of the "Sub Club."